forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
please don't ironically join a cult
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