All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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