it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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