the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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