my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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