worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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