every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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