so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
