ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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