We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
