we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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