my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
