i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
