Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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