why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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