Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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