Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
