I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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