I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
