Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
