Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
