$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
