I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
