Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
