This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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