I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
