Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
