I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
