My nipple is on Facebook.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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