the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
