I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
