I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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