Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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