Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
