Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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