I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
