How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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