hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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