Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
two words...techno handjob
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
