he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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