I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
