so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
