You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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