You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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