so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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