dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
