Say something about gay babies.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
