One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
They took my balls.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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