You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
