i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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