I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
