Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
