I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
