Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I believe in your delicious
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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